I woke up feeling sort of okay. My cough has diminished, although it may pick up this afternoon. I coughed up some sticky white stuff, but weirdly, I’m thankful that I at least got something out of my chest. I slept on my stomach, which seems to help my breathing at night.
But something crossed my mind a few days ago that puts me in uncharted territory. I think this is because I never had kids, and never married until I was older…I’ve never been in a position where I’ve had to really worry about the health of a spouse.
I feel terrible that I most likely infected Bobby with COVID. Mine’s been bad, but his coughing is worse, and each cough hurts to the very core of my being.
But I think the most disconcerting thought for me is on the rare occasion I’ve left the house that I leave our outer gate unlocked…just in case an ambulance needs to get access to the house while I’m gone.
There’s a lot of guilt, here. It is something about COVID that makes it worse, which is the fact that you can be asymptomatic and still pass it to others. Before you know you have it, you could have put everyone else around you at risk. Here are some near-misses for me:
I visited my dad five times in the hospital, and hugged him each time I left. I wore my mask, but he was maskless. My dad has tested negative with both PCR and rapid tests.
On July 4th, I stopped by a neighbor’s Fourth of July party, attended by about a dozen people I don’t know. As it was winding down, I hung out in the kitchen with my neighbor, and a couple other guests. Everyone was maskless, including me. My neighbor and I sat outside on her patio and drank wine for an hour or so, and I hugged her when I left, even remarking how “normal” it felt. My neighbor has tested negative with a rapid test, and we’re monitoring for any symptoms.
I went to an ear/nose/throat doctor’s appointment; three people in that office were maskless, including one of the doctors and an elderly man, but I wore mine. The doctor I worked directly with wore a mask.
I went to a second doctor’s appointment later that afternoon with my husband. The doctor’s single office is housed within in a busy allergy practice. About twelve people in the waiting room—including three staff members—were not wearing masks. The sign on the door says if you’re vaccinated you don’t have to wear one, but where we live in Lakeway, I’d guess at least half of those people were not vaccinated. Bobby and I wore our masks to protect ourselves against THEM. I could have infected at least several in the room.
I canceled several appointments the first week. I almost went to a hair appointment. I had started to feel sick, but thought it was a sinus infection. I mentioned it to my hairdresser, and he said he was comfortable if we were both wearing masks. I volunteered to double-mask. I ended up canceling about an hour before the appointment because I wasn’t feeling up to it. I’m so glad I did. I also canceled a massage appointment and physical therapy that same day.
I have not gotten any calls from a health department or the CDC about contact tracing, but I have called everyone and each place of business to notify them that they may have been exposed. I’m guessing not everyone does this.
I guess it underscores something for me. I don’t like wearing a mask, but the fact that I wore a mask last week probably saved others from getting COVID. I’ve had a couple of friends tell me that “masks don’t work.” But there was a meme early in this pandemic that showed two people wearing various combinations of masks…one or the other wearing a mask helped some. Both wearing a mask was the best.
And another thing I saw a couple of days ago said it was most important for someone sick with COVID to be wearing a mask. If there were two people in a room, one was sick with COVID, it was most important that that person be wearing the mask. Unfortunately, you can’t control others. So at this point, the best thing you can do is protect yourself and hope for the best.